crizayzy

is it okay to say that my heart hurts? aches? it's been a hard week- harder than most- and this week won't offer much solace. not just matters of the heart, but of endurance and mental fortitude. I just want rest, but that will be awhile. I miss running, too, and I didn't get to go dancing this weekend- which I was really looking forward to. But you can't plan life and the surprises/curveballs. I have been telling people- friends, family, whoever- that life has been "crazy" and "insane" but I feel like that is lost on them since I say it so much. Amongst the struggles of this past week, I've been more fierce with prayer- fierce because I know my God is strong though I am weak.

I started directions today, which has already been interesting. I only did half the questions initially, and I found myself thinking- on top of schoolwork, how am I supposed to learn bible verses, much less memorize them and know their references? it has been surprisingly not difficult. I find myself reading voraciously lately- not because I want to, but because I have to, and my retention percentage would probably scare me. I want everything I read to stay in my head, but somehow I don't find that always happens. I want to remember every step of leukocyte adhesion cascade, for example, but that was 2 tests ago; that means that review for the cumulative final is only going to be 12x more difficult. I want everything to have significance and I realize in the midst of it all that I am maturing, slowly and poignantly- poignant because I never imagined my 19 year old mind to be thinking about things much beyond the scope of a teenager. After being here, I know why medical schools don't really favor younger applicants. Maturity amongst teenagers is not really a club drug. I think part of me is scared because I'll turn 20 in several months- twenty! No more teens! Seriously, people get married in this decade. And I'll find myself a year ahead, at a stage previously incomprehensible to me, but thankfully, always safe within God's grace.

On a more secular note on my toolness, I really want an ipod touch. I may or may not have actually screamed (I did) when I got that email from Apple announcing their 32 gig ipod touch.

Monica: "What happened???"
me: [whimpers, stares at email]

but 500 dollars is much too much. I don't want an iphone. that is also much too much- I don't want a phone. if I wait a year, the price will drop, and then we shall see? sigh.