what mallika said

my new photo-like blog

2008-08-26T02:49:00.002-05:00

I've been writing in this blog for the past few weeks. So visit that link, here it is all spelled out for you: http://mallikatakesphotos.wordpress.com
I really like that the photos are prominently displayed. I also bought a 200-dollar photo editing program, which is one tangible element of my growing love of photography (in another life, maybe I would have gone to art/design school and studied photography..)

I think that once I get sufficient funds, I'll invest in an SLR (Nikon). At this stage in the game, photography has become a hobby: I honestly don't care what people think of my photos. It's a release from academia, it's aesthetically pleasing, and sometimes, it's instant gratification. Photography: there's beauty in it. Last January I spent a month's rent on a Panasonic Lumix DMC-FZ18, and it is a step down from an SLR. It is a much nicer camera than most, but now that I'm learning more and more about photography, I'll soon be ready to take it to another level.
Also, I forgot to mention that I'll be visiting Japan in 4 years' time, so that's definitely going to be an event worth chronicling. I can't wait!!!

New page! Check it out!!

2008-07-19T19:34:00.002-05:00

http://mallikatakesphotos.wordpress.com

Check this out!

Also see:

http://flickr.com/photos/mallikatakesphotos

2008-03-04T11:17:00.001-06:00

2008-03-03T17:35:00.002-06:00

white trash weddings! Some day I'll have to write about those. Fantastical in inordinate and absurd measures.

ugly heads

2008-02-29T17:55:00.002-06:00

some friends told me something today that really convicted me about my behavior. I really didn't want to hear it at the time, and at the time, my sleep-deprived self didn't like them at all, but now, as I ruminate upon it after having the most wonderful sleep in the world, I know they're right. I didn't want them to be right. And I wanted to find problems with their judgment. this is when I realized that at the end of the day, no matter what, I'm devastated by sin. I'm just a sinner, at the end of every day, I'm just a sinner--saved by grace.

Yes!

2008-02-25T23:34:00.003-06:00

I decided that I am going to (one day) run a half-marathon, and then a marathon. I'm not really looking to make record times, I just want to do set a goal and reach that. I'm not really sure when this will happen. I kind of want to do this on the west coast, not here in missouri. Speaking of which, I decided that if God asked me today where I would want to live when I "grow up", I would say, northern California.

I miss running!

?

2008-02-23T16:12:00.001-06:00

I think that I am becoming less and less tolerant to chocolate these days.

distance running

2008-02-22T20:35:00.002-06:00

When I used to do distance running senior year, which I absolutely loved, it was just something you did- and if it was hard, it was hard, and if it was easy, it was fun. And that's what I realized about this program. It's like running. You are always moving, and have hopefully paced yourself wisely, and sometimes it is easy. Sometimes there are good days. But then sometimes there are bad days, too. Sometimes it is overwhelming and I don't feel like I can finish everything. Like I'm doing 10 miles and I start getting extremely fatigued and achy in the 2nd mile.
Somehow you push through it- and you always will- even if you take a few minutes and puke in the woods (which happened at like, 2 meets)- you get up and get going. It's all mental. But at the end, the end, the end is the BEST PART. You can see the streamers and the course end and all the people cheering you up that hill towards the end. And somehow you absorb that energy and though you feel dead, you aren't thinking about that- and you put everything into that final push. And then it is over.

I miss running.

And I am so far away from being done.

waiting game

2008-02-22T20:26:00.004-06:00

I seriously have never wanted anything as badly as I want an ipod touch. the only thing it doesn't do is print. The more I learn about it, the more I realize how much time it would save-- it does GPS, directions, - this I only just learned. But I realized, with the $$ I earn this may working for my dad and from odd jobs, I'd have the $$.
But rent is huge. Like, it's pretty much the only thing that's constant in my life- the rent check. And, what about the inevitable price drop? If I did wait a year, then the price would drop, and Apple would probably come out with a higher memory version--and I might have more $$ then. So, it's just a waiting game. I mean, I seriously would eat Ramen for a month if that meant scrimping and saving for this thing. It's pretty much incredible. but, I don't want to go anemic, and I just don't feel right about it at this time. so that's that.

Dell

2008-02-21T18:54:00.003-06:00

I loathe Dell and their outsourced customer service. My experience buying from them is many orders of magnitude worse than I had initially imagined. Frustration sets in.

Top cities for healthful living--2 of them here?

2008-02-20T22:30:00.003-06:00

Cooking Light just ranked St. Louis #14 and Kansas City #20 in their 20th anniversary list of cities that eat smart, live well, and are fit. This sounds like crazy talk. A couple years ago, St. Louis was one of the fattest cities, and then we got the most dangerous city award. Hmm. Fat, dangerous, and paradoxical.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/diet.fitness/02/20/cl.best.cities/index.html

a coffee review, for my future reference

2008-02-20T22:25:00.002-06:00

Maxwell House = hot muddy water, and expensive muddy water at that. Mud is free. maxwell house is 5 bucks a can. I can get that cheaper from the sidewalk.

Seattle's Best, Breakfast blend, Big: decent homebrewed coffee! Not a bad choice. Unfortunately I just ran out, warranting this next purchase:

Scooter's Blend: I'll write when I find out. but I'm really excited.

we are very indian

2008-02-18T17:35:00.004-06:00

FYI!!! Blogger is now translatable in Malayalam!! holler to the motherland!! that's my home, God's own country!!! wooo!!

I'm not very indian. I'm pretty much whitewashed, but someone said this really well the other day: "you're as indian as you want to be." I guess part of me loves the countryside and the beauty of India...but I'm so used to western culture. I know nothing else really.

ANYHOO, so post-test today has been pretty magnificent. Although I have noticed that when I am especially sleep deprived, my left eye gets this incredibly fine motor twitch in the upper lid. Crazy? I can't stop it unless I think about closing it completely, then it goes back to twitching. I am off this. I am going to enjoy my life for the next 48 hours or whenever I have to hit the books next. I think I'll start on learning to love you more. today I took a picture of the sun...I'll post later on though.

a month later, she confesses...

2008-02-16T18:53:00.004-06:00

So I know everyone and his mother liked Juno, so I don't really tell people I like it unless they ask. I kind of love it.

Juno MacGuff: Yea, you just take Soupy-Sales to prom I can think of so many cooler things to do that night. Like, you know what Bleek? I might pumice my feet, uh, I might go to Bren's Unitarian Church, maybe get hit by a truck full of hot garbage juice, you know? Cause all those things, would be exponentially cooler than going to prom with you.
Paulie Bleeker: You're being really immature... You have no reason to be mad at me, I mean, you know, you broke MY heart. I should be royally ticked off at you. I should be really cheesed off, I shouldn't want to talk to you anymore.
Juno MacGuff: What? Cause I got bored and had sex with you and I didn't want to like marry you?
Paulie Bleeker: Like I'd marry you! You'd be the meanest wife ever, okay? And I know that you weren't bored that day because there was a lot of stuff on TV, and then 'The Blair Witch Project' was coming on Starz and you were like 'I haven't seen this since it came out and if so we should watch it' and 'but oh, no, we should just make out instead la la la'

Everyone loves Juno, and I do too, but Paulie's a gem of a character too. Michael Cera (the actor who plays Paulie) has got to be one of my favorite actors: he's confident without arrogance, and has a bit of an awkward mannerism which makes him "real" in a way that even "real" people aren't. I love the "You'd be the meanest wife ever!" line. Juno's sarcastic trademark is golden. The day after I saw Juno, my sarcasm ripped through conversations. It was so acidic and sharp, I spouted lines I had never thought of before. It was crazy. I felt like I had seen a muse.

Juno MacGuff: Oh, and she inexplicably mails me a cactus every Valentine's Day. And I'm like, "Thanks a heap coyote ugly. This cactus-gram stings even worse than your abandonment."

Mac MacGuff: Whats that thing?
Vanessa Loring: It's a pilates machine.
Mac MacGuff: What do you make with it?
Vanessa Loring: Oh you don't make anything with it, it's for exercise.
Mac MacGuff: Oh. My wife ordered one of those Tony Little Gazelles off the television... I don't know about that guy. He doesn't look right.

learning to love you more

2008-02-16T10:06:00.002-06:00

I came across this website

http://learningtoloveyoumore.com/

someone else's #39, take a picture of your parents kissing:

hee hee, too cute.

"if I could be like that, what would I do?"

2008-02-15T19:28:00.002-06:00

I came to an acute realization that at this moment, my life could have been so different;

it is a Friday night and THIS is my study break. THIS is my study break.

MEANWHILE, downstairs, the guys in the condo downstairs are smoking marijuana.

Yeah. My life could be so different. but I'm glad it isn't.

um

2008-02-15T17:12:00.000-06:00

I really miss my family right now.

I hate whipped cream

2008-02-13T19:26:00.004-06:00

Today had a lot of un-great things about it. there is so much palpable stress within me at this moment and the slightest trigger is going to release all this mounting stress. For example, I hate whipped cream. I would sooner choke while drowning through rivers of bile than be forced to eat whipped cream. It is so foul and vomitous. The texture is the worst part. Ugh. Disgusting. I hate even looking at it. I would like to demolish those aisles at Price Chopper with my bare hands.

I want to be angry about something this unreasonable. somehow it diffuses the built-up stress.

cold

2008-02-11T06:36:00.001-06:00

at this moment I am so frustrated with the cold. I should have gone to school in florida or california. why did I pick a city that is COLDER than STL already is?

crizayzy

2008-02-10T23:00:00.001-06:00

is it okay to say that my heart hurts? aches? it's been a hard week- harder than most- and this week won't offer much solace. not just matters of the heart, but of endurance and mental fortitude. I just want rest, but that will be awhile. I miss running, too, and I didn't get to go dancing this weekend- which I was really looking forward to. But you can't plan life and the surprises/curveballs. I have been telling people- friends, family, whoever- that life has been "crazy" and "insane" but I feel like that is lost on them since I say it so much. Amongst the struggles of this past week, I've been more fierce with prayer- fierce because I know my God is strong though I am weak.

I started directions today, which has already been interesting. I only did half the questions initially, and I found myself thinking- on top of schoolwork, how am I supposed to learn bible verses, much less memorize them and know their references? it has been surprisingly not difficult. I find myself reading voraciously lately- not because I want to, but because I have to, and my retention percentage would probably scare me. I want everything I read to stay in my head, but somehow I don't find that always happens. I want to remember every step of leukocyte adhesion cascade, for example, but that was 2 tests ago; that means that review for the cumulative final is only going to be 12x more difficult. I want everything to have significance and I realize in the midst of it all that I am maturing, slowly and poignantly- poignant because I never imagined my 19 year old mind to be thinking about things much beyond the scope of a teenager. After being here, I know why medical schools don't really favor younger applicants. Maturity amongst teenagers is not really a club drug. I think part of me is scared because I'll turn 20 in several months- twenty! No more teens! Seriously, people get married in this decade. And I'll find myself a year ahead, at a stage previously incomprehensible to me, but thankfully, always safe within God's grace.

On a more secular note on my toolness, I really want an ipod touch. I may or may not have actually screamed (I did) when I got that email from Apple announcing their 32 gig ipod touch.

Monica: "What happened???"
me: [whimpers, stares at email]

but 500 dollars is much too much. I don't want an iphone. that is also much too much- I don't want a phone. if I wait a year, the price will drop, and then we shall see? sigh.

melancholy

2008-02-08T21:04:00.001-06:00

Don't really know what to say about the events of today. I said no (made a decision!) to a spontaneous activity, which in retrospect I'm not sad I turned down. It would just have been way too crazy.

But yeah. happy chinese new year. I guess melancholy would explain this moment/day -- Life is ALWAYS changing, but always crazy in some way. Sometimes it's happy and sometimes it's sad, but in the end, it's God's plan, and that is good. I apologize for incoherence, I guess this message only makes sense to me. I think that's what stress does to me.

"God is good / all the time; he put a song of praise in this heart of mine"

I need more red bull, more diet coke, more caffeine..

freedom!!!!!

2008-02-06T08:20:00.000-06:00

God has always been faithful...................nothing else in this world is.

we got a snow day today! I had woken up at 6 am to cook and clean but now I am TOTALLY going back to bed and STAYING THERE!!!!

I'll post pics later- I'm totally going and doing whatever I want to do ALL DAY LONG and I'm not going to crack open a book!!

Countdown to bee week 2008: 105 days, 22 hrs, 8 minutes, 39 seconds!!!

after test

2008-02-05T19:23:00.000-06:00

I wish it weren't snowing so I could go out and take some photos- I've been craving a photo shoot lately!!

AND, dancing on friday!! so excited! I knew I couldn't stay away once I realized how much I missed it...

the morning?

2008-02-05T03:54:00.001-06:00

at heart I am a morning person. I do not have the capacity to sleep until noon (unless under extenuating circumstances- aka a weird exam schedule, or just moving out of the dorms, etc). and I would much rather watch the sun rise. it's pretty amazing. the other day I drove to school while the city was still shrouded in that fog of dawn, but the sun was peeking over from behind me, and the city buildings downtown were lit up like crooked teeth ("crooked teeth"- currently one of my favorite songs). while I'm on the death cab vibe, man I would hate "someday you will be loved." that's a lot to bear. in any case, it's uncommonly beautiful (the sunrise)

yesterday was an amazing day in and of itself. first of all, it was so warm outside. secondly, well, this is really the big one, but if I had time, I would so have gone to Loose Park yesterday- all the runners were out in their short shorts and big t-shirts and every time I saw one I either stared like a creeper or hid behind my current distraction, hoping somehow (unsuccessfully) to shroud my jealousy. I miss running so much. treadmills suck. I miss dancing. staying inside and staring at books under fluorescent lamps, booo.

OH and last night I ended up studying at my fave starbucks, and I had all three of my anatomy texts out, and this older fellow (probably semi-senile) approached me and asked me all kinds of things pertaining to the bunion on his heels. He talked forever and ended up trying to tell me about the things he was inventing, though he admitted he had never been on a computer ("Someday I'll rob a bank and pay someone to teach me how to turn the darned thing on"), but said as an inventor he had this great idea for an academic program that would really advance the world: a database that covered every conceivable angle of a certain subjects.

He had never heard of Wikipedia. or the Internet.

Anyway, never met anyone who didn't know what the internet was, so that was new.

Last night I also discovered that I can fall asleep under ANY circumstances: by ANY I really mean a triple shot cinnamon dolce (which was so-so, but the espresso was fiiiine) and a 8 ounce red bull.

I should probably get back to studying. I miss running. I really want to train for a 10k, none of this amateur 5k business (jk, I love 5ks)

OH and my younger brother is thinking of coming here. I never know what to say when people say that they want to come here. I think the worst thing would be to make an uninformed decision, which mine partly was (I guess) but if I had to do it over I wouldn't do anything differently, even if I knew then what I know now. I mean, it would be cool (to have him here) and all, but it's kind of a crazy deal. I love KC- and it would be fun to have someone else to share it with and not feel completely alone. And I would be so curious to see how we respond differently or alike to certain circumstances. he would be a year 1 when I'd be a year 4, so maybe we'd be on campus at the same time? my greatest fear is that he would hate it and regret his decision, something I've never done- I'm a big believer in living your own life and not the life someone else wishes for you- and this decision is one that no one else can make for you.

so, what I guess I'm trying to say is, only time will tell, but life is always changing, but always crazy.

2008-02-04T07:38:00.000-06:00

the problem with this weekend and every test weekend is that I always end up denying myself sleep. I couldn't want sleep more right now. but I have lab and an exam tomorrow so this day is definitely going to be jampacked with activity. aw man. I can't wait to get some sleep again.