what mallika said

my new photo-like blog

2008-08-26T02:49:00.002-05:00

I've been writing in this blog for the past few weeks. So visit that link, here it is all spelled out for you: http://mallikatakesphotos.wordpress.com
I really like that the photos are prominently displayed. I also bought a 200-dollar photo editing program, which is one tangible element of my growing love of photography (in another life, maybe I would have gone to art/design school and studied photography..)

I think that once I get sufficient funds, I'll invest in an SLR (Nikon). At this stage in the game, photography has become a hobby: I honestly don't care what people think of my photos. It's a release from academia, it's aesthetically pleasing, and sometimes, it's instant gratification. Photography: there's beauty in it. Last January I spent a month's rent on a Panasonic Lumix DMC-FZ18, and it is a step down from an SLR. It is a much nicer camera than most, but now that I'm learning more and more about photography, I'll soon be ready to take it to another level.
Also, I forgot to mention that I'll be visiting Japan in 4 years' time, so that's definitely going to be an event worth chronicling. I can't wait!!!

New page! Check it out!!

2008-07-19T19:34:00.002-05:00

http://mallikatakesphotos.wordpress.com

Check this out!

Also see:

http://flickr.com/photos/mallikatakesphotos

2008-03-04T11:17:00.001-06:00

2008-03-03T17:35:00.002-06:00

white trash weddings! Some day I'll have to write about those. Fantastical in inordinate and absurd measures.

ugly heads

2008-02-29T17:55:00.002-06:00

some friends told me something today that really convicted me about my behavior. I really didn't want to hear it at the time, and at the time, my sleep-deprived self didn't like them at all, but now, as I ruminate upon it after having the most wonderful sleep in the world, I know they're right. I didn't want them to be right. And I wanted to find problems with their judgment. this is when I realized that at the end of the day, no matter what, I'm devastated by sin. I'm just a sinner, at the end of every day, I'm just a sinner--saved by grace.

Yes!

2008-02-25T23:34:00.003-06:00

I decided that I am going to (one day) run a half-marathon, and then a marathon. I'm not really looking to make record times, I just want to do set a goal and reach that. I'm not really sure when this will happen. I kind of want to do this on the west coast, not here in missouri. Speaking of which, I decided that if God asked me today where I would want to live when I "grow up", I would say, northern California.

I miss running!

?

2008-02-23T16:12:00.001-06:00

I think that I am becoming less and less tolerant to chocolate these days.

distance running

2008-02-22T20:35:00.002-06:00

When I used to do distance running senior year, which I absolutely loved, it was just something you did- and if it was hard, it was hard, and if it was easy, it was fun. And that's what I realized about this program. It's like running. You are always moving, and have hopefully paced yourself wisely, and sometimes it is easy. Sometimes there are good days. But then sometimes there are bad days, too. Sometimes it is overwhelming and I don't feel like I can finish everything. Like I'm doing 10 miles and I start getting extremely fatigued and achy in the 2nd mile.
Somehow you push through it- and you always will- even if you take a few minutes and puke in the woods (which happened at like, 2 meets)- you get up and get going. It's all mental. But at the end, the end, the end is the BEST PART. You can see the streamers and the course end and all the people cheering you up that hill towards the end. And somehow you absorb that energy and though you feel dead, you aren't thinking about that- and you put everything into that final push. And then it is over.

I miss running.

And I am so far away from being done.

waiting game

2008-02-22T20:26:00.004-06:00

I seriously have never wanted anything as badly as I want an ipod touch. the only thing it doesn't do is print. The more I learn about it, the more I realize how much time it would save-- it does GPS, directions, - this I only just learned. But I realized, with the $$ I earn this may working for my dad and from odd jobs, I'd have the $$.
But rent is huge. Like, it's pretty much the only thing that's constant in my life- the rent check. And, what about the inevitable price drop? If I did wait a year, then the price would drop, and Apple would probably come out with a higher memory version--and I might have more $$ then. So, it's just a waiting game. I mean, I seriously would eat Ramen for a month if that meant scrimping and saving for this thing. It's pretty much incredible. but, I don't want to go anemic, and I just don't feel right about it at this time. so that's that.

Dell

2008-02-21T18:54:00.003-06:00

I loathe Dell and their outsourced customer service. My experience buying from them is many orders of magnitude worse than I had initially imagined. Frustration sets in.

Top cities for healthful living--2 of them here?

2008-02-20T22:30:00.003-06:00

Cooking Light just ranked St. Louis #14 and Kansas City #20 in their 20th anniversary list of cities that eat smart, live well, and are fit. This sounds like crazy talk. A couple years ago, St. Louis was one of the fattest cities, and then we got the most dangerous city award. Hmm. Fat, dangerous, and paradoxical.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/diet.fitness/02/20/cl.best.cities/index.html

a coffee review, for my future reference

2008-02-20T22:25:00.002-06:00

Maxwell House = hot muddy water, and expensive muddy water at that. Mud is free. maxwell house is 5 bucks a can. I can get that cheaper from the sidewalk.

Seattle's Best, Breakfast blend, Big: decent homebrewed coffee! Not a bad choice. Unfortunately I just ran out, warranting this next purchase:

Scooter's Blend: I'll write when I find out. but I'm really excited.

we are very indian

2008-02-18T17:35:00.004-06:00

FYI!!! Blogger is now translatable in Malayalam!! holler to the motherland!! that's my home, God's own country!!! wooo!!

I'm not very indian. I'm pretty much whitewashed, but someone said this really well the other day: "you're as indian as you want to be." I guess part of me loves the countryside and the beauty of India...but I'm so used to western culture. I know nothing else really.

ANYHOO, so post-test today has been pretty magnificent. Although I have noticed that when I am especially sleep deprived, my left eye gets this incredibly fine motor twitch in the upper lid. Crazy? I can't stop it unless I think about closing it completely, then it goes back to twitching. I am off this. I am going to enjoy my life for the next 48 hours or whenever I have to hit the books next. I think I'll start on learning to love you more. today I took a picture of the sun...I'll post later on though.

a month later, she confesses...

2008-02-16T18:53:00.004-06:00

So I know everyone and his mother liked Juno, so I don't really tell people I like it unless they ask. I kind of love it.

Juno MacGuff: Yea, you just take Soupy-Sales to prom I can think of so many cooler things to do that night. Like, you know what Bleek? I might pumice my feet, uh, I might go to Bren's Unitarian Church, maybe get hit by a truck full of hot garbage juice, you know? Cause all those things, would be exponentially cooler than going to prom with you.
Paulie Bleeker: You're being really immature... You have no reason to be mad at me, I mean, you know, you broke MY heart. I should be royally ticked off at you. I should be really cheesed off, I shouldn't want to talk to you anymore.
Juno MacGuff: What? Cause I got bored and had sex with you and I didn't want to like marry you?
Paulie Bleeker: Like I'd marry you! You'd be the meanest wife ever, okay? And I know that you weren't bored that day because there was a lot of stuff on TV, and then 'The Blair Witch Project' was coming on Starz and you were like 'I haven't seen this since it came out and if so we should watch it' and 'but oh, no, we should just make out instead la la la'

Everyone loves Juno, and I do too, but Paulie's a gem of a character too. Michael Cera (the actor who plays Paulie) has got to be one of my favorite actors: he's confident without arrogance, and has a bit of an awkward mannerism which makes him "real" in a way that even "real" people aren't. I love the "You'd be the meanest wife ever!" line. Juno's sarcastic trademark is golden. The day after I saw Juno, my sarcasm ripped through conversations. It was so acidic and sharp, I spouted lines I had never thought of before. It was crazy. I felt like I had seen a muse.

Juno MacGuff: Oh, and she inexplicably mails me a cactus every Valentine's Day. And I'm like, "Thanks a heap coyote ugly. This cactus-gram stings even worse than your abandonment."

Mac MacGuff: Whats that thing?
Vanessa Loring: It's a pilates machine.
Mac MacGuff: What do you make with it?
Vanessa Loring: Oh you don't make anything with it, it's for exercise.
Mac MacGuff: Oh. My wife ordered one of those Tony Little Gazelles off the television... I don't know about that guy. He doesn't look right.

learning to love you more

2008-02-16T10:06:00.002-06:00

I came across this website

http://learningtoloveyoumore.com/

someone else's #39, take a picture of your parents kissing:

hee hee, too cute.

"if I could be like that, what would I do?"

2008-02-15T19:28:00.002-06:00

I came to an acute realization that at this moment, my life could have been so different;

it is a Friday night and THIS is my study break. THIS is my study break.

MEANWHILE, downstairs, the guys in the condo downstairs are smoking marijuana.

Yeah. My life could be so different. but I'm glad it isn't.

um

2008-02-15T17:12:00.000-06:00

I really miss my family right now.

I hate whipped cream

2008-02-13T19:26:00.004-06:00

Today had a lot of un-great things about it. there is so much palpable stress within me at this moment and the slightest trigger is going to release all this mounting stress. For example, I hate whipped cream. I would sooner choke while drowning through rivers of bile than be forced to eat whipped cream. It is so foul and vomitous. The texture is the worst part. Ugh. Disgusting. I hate even looking at it. I would like to demolish those aisles at Price Chopper with my bare hands.

I want to be angry about something this unreasonable. somehow it diffuses the built-up stress.

cold

2008-02-11T06:36:00.001-06:00

at this moment I am so frustrated with the cold. I should have gone to school in florida or california. why did I pick a city that is COLDER than STL already is?

crizayzy

2008-02-10T23:00:00.001-06:00

is it okay to say that my heart hurts? aches? it's been a hard week- harder than most- and this week won't offer much solace. not just matters of the heart, but of endurance and mental fortitude. I just want rest, but that will be awhile. I miss running, too, and I didn't get to go dancing this weekend- which I was really looking forward to. But you can't plan life and the surprises/curveballs. I have been telling people- friends, family, whoever- that life has been "crazy" and "insane" but I feel like that is lost on them since I say it so much. Amongst the struggles of this past week, I've been more fierce with prayer- fierce because I know my God is strong though I am weak.

I started directions today, which has already been interesting. I only did half the questions initially, and I found myself thinking- on top of schoolwork, how am I supposed to learn bible verses, much less memorize them and know their references? it has been surprisingly not difficult. I find myself reading voraciously lately- not because I want to, but because I have to, and my retention percentage would probably scare me. I want everything I read to stay in my head, but somehow I don't find that always happens. I want to remember every step of leukocyte adhesion cascade, for example, but that was 2 tests ago; that means that review for the cumulative final is only going to be 12x more difficult. I want everything to have significance and I realize in the midst of it all that I am maturing, slowly and poignantly- poignant because I never imagined my 19 year old mind to be thinking about things much beyond the scope of a teenager. After being here, I know why medical schools don't really favor younger applicants. Maturity amongst teenagers is not really a club drug. I think part of me is scared because I'll turn 20 in several months- twenty! No more teens! Seriously, people get married in this decade. And I'll find myself a year ahead, at a stage previously incomprehensible to me, but thankfully, always safe within God's grace.

On a more secular note on my toolness, I really want an ipod touch. I may or may not have actually screamed (I did) when I got that email from Apple announcing their 32 gig ipod touch.

Monica: "What happened???"
me: [whimpers, stares at email]

but 500 dollars is much too much. I don't want an iphone. that is also much too much- I don't want a phone. if I wait a year, the price will drop, and then we shall see? sigh.

melancholy

2008-02-08T21:04:00.001-06:00

Don't really know what to say about the events of today. I said no (made a decision!) to a spontaneous activity, which in retrospect I'm not sad I turned down. It would just have been way too crazy.

But yeah. happy chinese new year. I guess melancholy would explain this moment/day -- Life is ALWAYS changing, but always crazy in some way. Sometimes it's happy and sometimes it's sad, but in the end, it's God's plan, and that is good. I apologize for incoherence, I guess this message only makes sense to me. I think that's what stress does to me.

"God is good / all the time; he put a song of praise in this heart of mine"

I need more red bull, more diet coke, more caffeine..

freedom!!!!!

2008-02-06T08:20:00.000-06:00

God has always been faithful...................nothing else in this world is.

we got a snow day today! I had woken up at 6 am to cook and clean but now I am TOTALLY going back to bed and STAYING THERE!!!!

I'll post pics later- I'm totally going and doing whatever I want to do ALL DAY LONG and I'm not going to crack open a book!!

Countdown to bee week 2008: 105 days, 22 hrs, 8 minutes, 39 seconds!!!

after test

2008-02-05T19:23:00.000-06:00

I wish it weren't snowing so I could go out and take some photos- I've been craving a photo shoot lately!!

AND, dancing on friday!! so excited! I knew I couldn't stay away once I realized how much I missed it...

the morning?

2008-02-05T03:54:00.001-06:00

at heart I am a morning person. I do not have the capacity to sleep until noon (unless under extenuating circumstances- aka a weird exam schedule, or just moving out of the dorms, etc). and I would much rather watch the sun rise. it's pretty amazing. the other day I drove to school while the city was still shrouded in that fog of dawn, but the sun was peeking over from behind me, and the city buildings downtown were lit up like crooked teeth ("crooked teeth"- currently one of my favorite songs). while I'm on the death cab vibe, man I would hate "someday you will be loved." that's a lot to bear. in any case, it's uncommonly beautiful (the sunrise)

yesterday was an amazing day in and of itself. first of all, it was so warm outside. secondly, well, this is really the big one, but if I had time, I would so have gone to Loose Park yesterday- all the runners were out in their short shorts and big t-shirts and every time I saw one I either stared like a creeper or hid behind my current distraction, hoping somehow (unsuccessfully) to shroud my jealousy. I miss running so much. treadmills suck. I miss dancing. staying inside and staring at books under fluorescent lamps, booo.

OH and last night I ended up studying at my fave starbucks, and I had all three of my anatomy texts out, and this older fellow (probably semi-senile) approached me and asked me all kinds of things pertaining to the bunion on his heels. He talked forever and ended up trying to tell me about the things he was inventing, though he admitted he had never been on a computer ("Someday I'll rob a bank and pay someone to teach me how to turn the darned thing on"), but said as an inventor he had this great idea for an academic program that would really advance the world: a database that covered every conceivable angle of a certain subjects.

He had never heard of Wikipedia. or the Internet.

Anyway, never met anyone who didn't know what the internet was, so that was new.

Last night I also discovered that I can fall asleep under ANY circumstances: by ANY I really mean a triple shot cinnamon dolce (which was so-so, but the espresso was fiiiine) and a 8 ounce red bull.

I should probably get back to studying. I miss running. I really want to train for a 10k, none of this amateur 5k business (jk, I love 5ks)

OH and my younger brother is thinking of coming here. I never know what to say when people say that they want to come here. I think the worst thing would be to make an uninformed decision, which mine partly was (I guess) but if I had to do it over I wouldn't do anything differently, even if I knew then what I know now. I mean, it would be cool (to have him here) and all, but it's kind of a crazy deal. I love KC- and it would be fun to have someone else to share it with and not feel completely alone. And I would be so curious to see how we respond differently or alike to certain circumstances. he would be a year 1 when I'd be a year 4, so maybe we'd be on campus at the same time? my greatest fear is that he would hate it and regret his decision, something I've never done- I'm a big believer in living your own life and not the life someone else wishes for you- and this decision is one that no one else can make for you.

so, what I guess I'm trying to say is, only time will tell, but life is always changing, but always crazy.

2008-02-04T07:38:00.000-06:00

the problem with this weekend and every test weekend is that I always end up denying myself sleep. I couldn't want sleep more right now. but I have lab and an exam tomorrow so this day is definitely going to be jampacked with activity. aw man. I can't wait to get some sleep again.

2008-02-02T00:08:00.000-06:00

God has had his hand on us this whole time. he will never leave us nor forsake us...innit crazy?? My roommate is awesome. She handled today with such grace, calm, and patience...I would be going crazy. all I feel is gratefulness that God protected her...yeah.

this week I've felt growth. i think back to this time last year and I definitely was not this mature. I think I knew what I wanted and who I wanted to be, I just didn't have anyplace to grow. and God faithfully provided for that, which is so freaking cool.
I'm not saying I'm proud of everything I do, of course I'm an idiot sometimes, but hopefully less of an idiot. and if I am an idiot... as some quote I read somewhere on mr. hearne's wall senior year, "at least we're God's idiots."

weariness

2008-01-30T23:17:00.000-06:00

weariness has shrouded this whole week. I am weary of so much. firstly, the cold!! It was so beautiful on sunday, and now this impending storm- I love the snow, but I dread having to drive in it, and I really don't like shivering myself to sleep! sigh.
and endless rote memorization of all the origins, insertions, actions, innervations of all the muscles, yes even the tiniest ones, in the back/arm/forearm/hand. I mean, in retrospect, it's kind of cool and I've always wanted to keep this info in a rolodex card in my brain, but it is mentally taxing.
my diet has been unvarying. i've eaten granola (my favorite food EVER) and milk for every meal this week, which is kind of cool, in retrospect. as a kid you could never eat what you wanted when you wanted it, right?? some might remember last summer when I ate nothing but cereal (honey bunches of oats primarily) and milk for every single meal for a whole month. It was glorious. I was also probably iron deficient/anemic afterwards, which taught me the value of multivitamins.

but I have much to be thankful for- safe trips and no accidents in this weather; being healthy and happy; not getting lost when meeting my discipler; having a discipler; reading the Bible and having that wisdom to guide my life; CAFFEINE; I mean, the list really continues ad infinitum.

I think that if I had one wish right now, I would spend it on a wish for summertime and a car wash.

life

2008-01-29T07:08:00.000-06:00

i would have liked to have time to rant & rave about how:

-crazy this election will be
-I paid $4.07 for one gallon of milk yesterday (apparently it's cheaper at CVS or walgreens though)
-God is doing crazy awesome things...
-I went a day and a half without caffeine, whoa (then came a double shot mocha and a red bull, but desperate times call for desperate measures) - I mean, how do you say no to a mocha...double shot?
-wikipedia this: duchenne. As in the guy who first noticed that flavor of muscular dystrophy. apparently he enjoyed using electricity as a diagnostic tool, and in the process discovered that smiles resulting from true happiness use the muscles of the eye (orbicularis oculi) in addition to the zygomaticus (the "pan american" smile, the "polite" smile). tres cool, no?

man I gotta get to work. hippity hop!

on humps and caffeine

2008-01-23T19:29:00.000-06:00

as far as endurance goes, there's always a hump.
when you're doing 5 miles, the hump is usually between the 2nd and 3rd mile.
wednesday, solid hump. a week could be an endurance test. I mean, think about finals week.
but when you're rolling slowly down the hump, it just goes more smoothly than you thought.

I wish I were rolling slowly down the decline...instead of finding traction on the incline.
-

some friends of mine have been on my case about my caffeine consumption- for more than a few months now. I wasn't convinced I was addicted. I mean, I could stop when I wanted (ha). so, today, aka post-test, I was challenged to be caffeine-free for a week.

Easy peasy, right?

How long did I last?

About 17 hours. In mid-morning I received the worst headache I've had in personal headache history. and you know what, I like my caffeine so I'm sticking with it.

on death and dying

2008-01-23T06:59:00.001-06:00

oh, how about this. I'm not about to turn this into a total trashy celeb news blog (you've got perez for that-I couldn't do a better job), but how tragic/shocking is it that heath ledger died.

"Ledger's family called his death "very tragic, untimely and accidental." " - CNN.com. who do they think they're kidding? Death is never accidental. No one on accident says, "Hmm, I'll take a Vicodin" and ends up taking the whole bottle. this isn't cough syrup we're talking about. It wasn't an accident like, I just spilled my entire glass of water, let's fix this mess. No- death is different. It can't be fixed.

further, I don't believe that his death was an accident like "oops" in the human sense. Let's forget the accident part because we'll forgive their celebrity blood status. to us, humans, death can seem accidental. Like car accident-accidental. but in the grand scheme of this universe, no...God knew it before it happened, and nothing of God is accidental. I've just opened the can of evil worms, as in, did God create evil, but that's probably for another day.

tuesday blues

2008-01-22T23:13:00.000-06:00

My bed is the most useless waste of space in this living area. I'm planning to get rid of the bed frame and the old mattress and just get a futon or something more versatile, yet space saving. I've been sleeping on the floor/euro lounger this past week, which is totally cool with me--due to the bedframe's wooden slats (which support the mattress) not being long enough to easily span the width of the frame, the bed declines on this ungodly, menacing slant, so basically I have reason to junk it. plus, I got it for free, so there's no guilt involved.

anyhoo, so the first hsf test is over. yeah. in a normal situation, ie not hsf, you have the exam, and what's even better than the test being over is that it's quick, it's dirty, and you can relax. you can live the life you wish you had for a comfortable (usually around a weekend's worth) amount of time. but with hsf tests, or at least this one so far, they have kindly given us 16 hours between the exam and the classes tomorrow morning--AFTER the marathon of exam administration. so, I've had 8 hours of freedom so far, and:

2 of those were wasted in a useless lecture that was not worth my time;
2 were spent seeing Juno;
1 was spent in traffic;
1.5 at APO;
and the rest at an APO fellowship.

it was great. But. but this rigmarole of HSF I, exam 2 test material starts tomorrow at 8 AM. that stinks!

I feel old.

a fair world?

2008-01-21T00:48:00.000-06:00

No, I don't think that this world is fair. In the end, there is a lot more injustice, greed, hatred, crime, and wickedness than love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, self-control, etc.

A lot of the time, I haven't gotten what I deserved. I've gotten so much more--blessings upon blessings. I, as a human, deserve eternal damnation...I don't deserve a chance in this world. but, how overwhelmingly awe-some is it that God gives us blessings anyway? things like the gifts of knowledge and learning...things like a supportive family and a network of friends...things like happiness, joy, salvation...salvation is a big one, it's not something you can earn. I am so, so grateful. to me, this salvation so real, it's so palpable and tangible--I know it's there and I bank my very existence on it.

2008-01-18T00:21:00.000-06:00

If I had more time, I would write more, but I don't, so I won't. Suffice to say that the argyle tally this week, not including argyle worn on clothing items such as socks, has skyrocketed. People are wearing argyle like the world might end tomorrow. I would say probably at least 20 or more individual incidents...if not a dozen more. boy, I saw it coming when j.crew launched their fall line.

I need a hobby. after I'm done studying for this first hsf test which I really should be studying for now.

and now.

more apple stuff

2008-01-17T09:36:00.001-06:00

I'm in the market for a color laser printer. my dad gave me the go-ahead to look for printers, and suggested a certain dell printer. I wasn't very excited about it, even though I know dell laser printers are pretty good. What I did not relish was making the call to customer service to find out the compatibility of a macbook with a dell printer. This was probably common sense to everyone else in the world, but I didn't want to spend upwards of 300 dollars meaninglessly.

Dell Customer Service:
(4 minutes into the call, someone picks up)
Customer Service: (thick Indian accent) 'Ahlo, my name is Mahesh, but you can call me Macky. Thank you for calling Dell Customer Service.
[warning flags: the Indian accent, the scripted messages]
Me: Hi, I'm interested in finding out the compatibility of an apple computer with a dell laser printer.
CS "Macky": Hi, thank you for your patience. You are interested in Dell printer.
Me: I just need to find out if it would work with my Macbook.
CS "Macky": Please hold on 2 minute, please. Could you do that? I have number for you to call.
Me: What?
CS "Macky": Please hold. Thank you for your patience.
Me: [silent]
(8 minutes later)
CS "Macky": OK I have number for you to call. I will transfer you.
Me: [silent]
CS "Macky": OK I have number for you to call. I will transfer you. Please hold OK.
Me: OK.
(5 minutes later, 2 service reps later)
Customer Service #3: (American accent) Hello, Dell Customer Service.

...And they transferred me too. By the time I was on with Customer Service Rep #3, I had already found the answer online, while on hold with #3, and hung up.

not merely a novelty

2008-01-15T19:40:00.000-06:00

I'll admit I can be a tool when it comes to apple products (not a complete tool, but for certain things- yes.), and the new macbook air is so beautiful. You screeam, another impassioned apple minion! It's not just apple though. I mean, I love tiny things. the newest ipod shuffle has been the best thing since running itself. this laptop is just beautiful. I'm very happy with my current one, and don't have money to splurge like that (gah) but I will still stare longingly at the display windows at the plaza apple, wistfully desiring all the new, cool gadgets in store.

below: my macbook that I love, love.

succinct

2008-01-15T17:20:00.000-06:00

So, in less than a week, I've used up 4 gel pens (2 neons, 2 metallics) and 2 pilot g-2's. I think that sums up this first week of hsf.

answered prayer

2008-01-14T22:46:00.000-06:00

i've not got a lot of time, but here's what-

answered prayer is so cool. so ever since I hit kc (2 weeks ago now) my car I drive (my 2000 white crown victoria- actually my dad's, but I drive it now) had a few things going on. firstly, I parked it in the umkc parking structure by oak street. I parked in a problematic spot: rust from the parking garage hit my car with precipitation, so basically I had rust and salt painted on its rear end. not cool. It was not pretty. I did a sloppy job mopping off the salt with a squeegee at QT, but the rusty coloring remained.
then, a few days later, the check engine soon light came on, and the engine didn't feel right. I just had this feeling that its engine was not running as smoothly as it used to. the short story is, I got its oil changed and got ripped off (according to himanshu) and spent a lot more money on it than I expected to, which I was a bit disappointed about...because some other stuff was due to be changed. Basically, I had no clue what needed to happen, and I felt like such a tool when I told them to do it...even though I knew they were probably telling me that I needed stuff I didn't. but I was in a pinch, and I didn't know what else to do.
sad thing was, even after that, the check engine light was still on. It was a really disappointing situation, and at this point I was resigned to losing that vestige of freedom for perhaps weeks while it was tinkered about at some dealership.

anyway, so today, as I was driving back from a very long study session, the check engine light failed to light up. And I revved the engine. it was juicing sweetly. my guess is that all that old oil had to run through the engine before the new stuff came in, but I know close to nothing about cars, but...yeah. that makes me really excited/happy/thankful. hip hip!

ooh, and I forgot to say. someone told me that if I rubbed a gasoline-soaked rag on the rusty-colored spots, it would go away--and it did!! :)

it is well

2008-01-14T00:13:00.001-06:00

I am richly blessed to be here and doing what I love, with people I love, in a city that I am growing to love...God has so richly blessed this year. I'm so grateful for so much; if you knew how depraved I am as a human, how I have nothing on my own, but everything in Christ. Jesus is awesome.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blessed assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

"I've made a huge mistake."

2008-01-10T20:28:00.000-06:00

Like the title says, I think I may have made a small error in judgment when I sat down today and read an UMSLE step 1 prep book. My head hurts in a very strange, bad way. Ouch.

I don't think many people know this, but to me, I'm a very dramatic person, I've realized. I don't make drama for other people--I'm not talking about social drama; I am exponentially more sensitive to an experience when it happens to me.

Life

2008-01-10T01:52:00.000-06:00

life is . I think back at year one and remember how naive I was, how much time I used to waste (I love wasting time). Naive about studying and medical school and how my life would be in the next few years...because I'm starting to realize exactly what it will be like. (well, kind of)

I'll probably think the same thing next year too. and the year after that. and that.
but I got the most fabulous thing in the mail today, I won this amazing ebay auction for this canary yellow dress. It was so dirt cheap I practically stole it. Except I didn't. and, it was a dress that I absolutely loved before but was way too expensive in the store and didn't want to drop that kind'a dolla. so that is incredibly exciting. wee hoo!

There is finally something that I want and need all at the same time: a color laser printer. color notes are like a catalyst for learning to me. and this ridiculous 150 page quota is nowhere near enough. so, I think I'll rally for it; hopefully for a birthday present? I would love studying so much more.

omg, hsf, headache, sleep? okay

hsf

2008-01-08T00:02:00.000-06:00

so yesterday at around 0900 my countdown clock hit zero.

*waves goodbye to her life

kind of. but whatever. let's be dramatic!

kc

2008-01-05T23:57:00.000-06:00

I didn't expect the weather to be so beautiful upon my arrival back here. but it has been so delightful. after I got back, I shared an incredibly spicy (oh, my mouth still burns) home cooked (by us) indian meal with a bunch of kcbt friends (we had indian night, complete with Lagaan, except we only made it through 1.5 hours of it). it was so fiery hot, I don't think I've ever willingly eaten something so hot. being brown, that should say a lot about how spicy it was. I think we put the entire curry packet in when we only should have put in a teaspoon or something. It wasn't something I would order from a restaurant, but it was fun to fellowship...and I'm sure we'll all be laughing about this later on.

it's good to be back; at the same time, it's surreal to be starting school again in a matter of hours. but I'm so excited for college group tomorrow; I'd really missed it while I was in stl.

nada

2008-01-05T02:10:00.000-06:00

I have nothing profound to say, but that this week has left me extremely tired...and my countdown clock now says 5 hours or so. sad. I'm going to have to get a new countdown...for bee week! Yes! so that means...138 days, 4 hours...yikes. That's three figures. maybe something closer so despair doesn't tempt. spring break: 77 days. Yikeses.

I have so much packing to do, and I'm so worn out!! yikes.

grrrgle

2008-01-04T01:24:00.001-06:00

the suddenness of it all is starting to hit me. my last day at work is tomorrow. I bought the train ticket. I'm probably going to start packing pretty soon. I've done all the things I set out to do. I know that once I'm back I'll immediately lose sight of all the restlessness I have here. I'm glad that I did what I set out to do, though. If I could do this break over, I wouldn't, I think. I'm ready.

but, I'm really not. I'm never ready. Life just comes when it does, and even though I was never ready for school to start again, it always did. I think what I dread most is probably how much colder it is there. Once everything warms up it'll be better.

I got a laptop battery for free, which was pretty exciting.

Countdown widget says... and, the best day ever!

2007-12-30T01:14:00.000-06:00

6 days
6 hours
44 minutes
20 seconds

until I'm headed back to KC. It's so sad! I never want this week to end. Today has been the best day, ever, ever, ever in the world (in recent memory). And I will proceed to chronicle how awesome it was, for my own benefit, really.

Basically I slept in until 10, then my mom made this amazing breakfast, then I played 3 campaigns on age of kings (Barbarossa's), using minimal numbers of cheat codes, so basically I felt really accomplished. It felt weird not to trick myself into wasting time. No, here was a morning that I thought, "I can waste this morning in so many ways." Showered at noon, ate even more (the capacity of my stomach continues to astound me--I have probably eaten enough during this break to feed a small country), and thought about working out. Then I took a 3 hour nap. I think that the human body burns 80 calories per hour of sleep. So, basically the equivalent of a 15 minute cardio workout, only over the span of 3 hours. Yessss.
Then, I woke up, and went to the Loop (Delmar) to hang out with a good friend (and, eventually, friends) from high school. It is always good to see friends I've not seen in a long time...it's interesting to note how people have grown, how they have chosen to shape their lives.
anyway, I learned that two of them had never had curry before, not even Indian food. I think that I took it for granted that other people enjoyed Indian food as much as I do, but I guess you never know until you try. We didn't end up eating curry. It was sad. We did, however, end up at an Afghan place, where we ate lots of pita, hummus, garlic, falafel, and some things we really didn't know. It was very good. I was surprised--I had not really eaten whole cloves of garlic before.

Then, went home, ate even more (like I said earlier, I've eaten every meal like it was my last; I'm a trooper), because my mom makes these extravagant, delicious meals whenever all the kids are home...quesadillas with LOTS of cilantro, hot peppers, and homemade guacamole. I feel like I still have some combination of garlic/cilantro breath.

Then, dad had to deliver notes for several hospital pts, so we went to the hospital to finish those and deliver them...came back at midnight, watched some Bourne (yum), and chill out. Today has been the ideal day. well, if I would have gone running at some point, that would have been most ideal.

I'm still really craving curry...yummmmm.

I can't believe I've turned into one of those bloggers who chronicle the minutiae of their lives. Oh, whatever. I'm probably never going to have a day like this, ever again...which is poignant, yet intriguing.

2007 Best Of's -- Entertainment Issue

2007-12-27T14:13:00.000-06:00

This post is dedicated to things I liked most about 2007.

Firstly, but not foremostly, this book, Mountains Beyond Mountains by Tracy Kidder, which was so good. Basically, it appealed to everything that I enjoy reading. Within weeks of learning about the world of Paul Farmer, I began seeing his name everywhere, but probably because I glazed over this when I couldn't appreciate the significance.

Secondly, J. Crew. I denied it forever, but can no longer. I used to deny dressing like a prep, but hear this out. The number one reason for my conversion being this jacket, so awesome that it even has a name, the velvet Bella.

Still, I don't think that one jacket qualifies me as a prep. The significance of this jacket is key. I could almost draw the comparison of myself and this jacket to Michael Scott of The Office and his jeans. You can see a descriptive clip here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5iP8OLcCvU

While we're on the subject of The Office, let's throw that in there.

this has been one of my lamer posts; I'm bored already, overwhelmed by the great task that summarizing 2007 is.

Cost of a first time speeding offense

2007-12-26T13:35:00.000-06:00

$95 in attorney fees
$100 donation to the Macon County General Reserve Fund towards a no-point violation
$124 in court costs
=
$319 emptied from my pocket

I wasn't even going that fast. But I guess that's what they all say.

arrested development

2007-12-18T17:40:00.000-06:00

George Sr.: "I told you, there's money in the banana stand!"

Buster: "How about that piece of tail on her? Cu-ute!"